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April 13, 2011
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INT: HOSPITAL TENT - NIGHT.

The tent is small, but private, well-stocked with medical supplies for the recovery of important individuals.  There is a half-eaten plate of food and a canteen of water on the ground.  The moon and a nearby fire both shine through the translucent canvas.

VENDELAIN, a high-ranking soldier in his late twenties, lies in a makeshift bed, seemingly asleep.  He is wrapped in bandages underneath his clothing.

SORIAN, a man a few years younger than VENDELAIN but still prince and commander-in-chief, quietly opens the flap door.  He has a large object with him, wrapped in a grey blanket.

SORIAN picks up the only non-bitten cracker and begins to nibble at it.

VENDELAIN: Don't think you can sneak up on me.  I didn't say you could have any of that.

SORIAN puts it down and swallows.

VENDELAIN attempts to sit upright, but stops due to pain.  He shakes his head to express his difficulty.  

SORIAN pauses, then proceeds to help him.

VENDELAIN: I've never particularly appreciated night visits, so you had better tell me what in the hell you think you're doing.

SORIAN: I believe a prince should have the right to seek a friend's counsel when he chooses.

VENDELAIN: I'd make an exception for friends who've lost limbs.

VENDELAIN grunts and tosses the blanket aside, revealing a bandaged stump in place of his left leg.  The blood has seeped through to the blanket.

SORIAN stares at the mess, fascinated.

VENDELAIN: I certainly hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm sure you understand I've got more to lose than my legs.

VENDELAIN picks a wide belt from atop of his pile of discarded clothes and removes a gold pin from it.  He waves it in front of SORIAN's eyes.

VENDELAIN: You gave this to me, but you have no idea what it means, do you?

SORIAN: It means you should be honored.  Out of all the men I know, you deserve to be made general.  I bestowed it on you personally for a reason.  You've fought -

VENDELAIN: No.  It means I have to keep fighting for you.  

SORIAN: And I am sure that you will.  You have always made an efficient recovery, and this time will be no -

VENDELAIN: This time, I near died because of this.

SORIAN frowns.

SORIAN: You would not have died in vain.

VENDELAIN rolls his eyes.

SORIAN is visibly perturbed by the rude behavior, but he lets it slide.

VENDELAIN:  You must be kidding me. That is not what I want to hear. Not what my wife wants to hear, either.

VENDELAIN sighs and sips from a cup of water.

VENDELAIN: I taught you.  I served you.  I saved you.  For I don't know how many goddamn years.  When is this going to be over?

SORIAN: I am sorry, but it is not within your jurisdiction to make that decision.

VENDELAIN takes the pin and folds it into SORIAN's hand.

VENDELAIN: I don't want your stupid pin. I don't want your stupid title. I don't want your stupid war.  I don't want to die.  I want to go home.

SORIAN, dumbfounded, cannot think of a response.  Instead, he drops the package next to the bed and leaves, pocketing the pin with him.

VENDELAIN tentatively unfolds the blanket and finds a hand-crafted, custom prosthetic, leg.  He pauses, shakes his head, covers the gift, and falls back asleep.
MOVED TO A NEW ACCOUNT.
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:iconkalkie:
kalkie Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011  Professional Filmographer
I really like this short exchange. For once I see something different from Sorian apart from 'evil!' and 'Rivek-FFFFREVENGE!' and that despite his mostly cruelness, he does have someone who can bluntly talk back in his face and not get killed for it.
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:iconfongmingyun:
fongmingyun Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2011
"Save the Cat" - gotta do it sometimes.

Herpderp... people seem to really like Sorian...
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:iconkalkie:
kalkie Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2011  Professional Filmographer
People like dudes who are very sure of themselves. |D
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:iconquillery:
Quillery Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011  Student
I know you're not going to continue with the script format, but I can't help but keep thinking how well these scenes seem suited to being told visually. And/or you're just really good at this. :XD:
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:iconfongmingyun:
fongmingyun Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
It's because I'm actually just picturing them in my head and writing down what I see. :F ...
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:iconquillery:
Quillery Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011  Student
Then you must imagine your story in a cinematic way, which I think is good—or I hope is good, because that's what I tend to do too XD I wonder if that's better or worse when writing a novel is the end goal?
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:iconfongmingyun:
fongmingyun Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
I have no idea. Hahaha. Wish I knew a pro editor who could tell both of us waht to do.

Brian Jacques called writing, "painting pictures with words." But then like, I took all these more modern fiction classes, and they all insisted to not spend time writing what's not necessary (kind of like screenwriting). You write down the actions and let readers infer their opinions and determine characters' personalities that way. I'm a fan of using close third to interject some kind of voice into my work. I actually can't really read heavily descriptive fantasy anymore (like Tolkien), I get bored. All the description part can be conveyed with a picture, so might as well. Haha.

Prose is easier, though, since I can like, write the description to pace the film and with more stream-of-consciousness.
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:iconquillery:
Quillery Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Student
Haha, if you ever meet one, send their advice my way XD

I think either way is valid. There are people who want to read faced-paced writing focused more on action than description, and then there are people who love plodding, flowery LOTR-ish stuff and don't mind taking their time to appreciate the details. And I'm sure one can achieve a happy medium between the two! I think whichever way you're more comfortable writing will be the most successful way to communicate the story.
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:icononi-neko:
Oni-Neko Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I really really like Vendelain! A man who can honestly tell his Prince to shove the honours and rank as rewards for service. Bet the wold might be a different place if there were more like him.

I like seeing your writing in all these different forms. I especially like when you do something different from all the usual fantasy stuff.
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:iconfongmingyun:
fongmingyun Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2011
Vendelain is more disillusioned than anything. Him and Sorian are bros, so he can just be like "STFU".

Lol. The usual fantasty stuff is much easier, I probably won't be doing much more - if any - screenwriting.
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